It is completely normal to feel worried, embarrassed, anxious or scared about talking to your friends or family about what is going on.
Sometimes you might think that it will be easier to keep things to yourself.
This does not make the situation better and isolates you from people that could support you to resolve the situation.
Choosing someone that you trust to confide in means that you can have someone who can be there for you. They can see things objectively and think about things you can do and support you to take the first steps.
It is worth considering letting your friends and family know about the threats and that the photos are out there rather than having them find out about it online.
Most of the time, your friends and family will be more worried about you than they are about the images themselves.
It is really unusual for the person to stop after you have done what they asked or sent more nudes.
Doing this shows that they have power over you and they will usually continue to blackmail you to get whatever they can out of you or even escalate things.
Sometimes, even if you do what they ask, they will still share the photos or video anyway.
Take screenshots of any messages you receive.
These can be used to support you to report the threats so that you have evidence of what has been going on.
Use your screenshots or links to the posts/messages to report what is happening to Social Media.
They all have very clear positions on Revenge Porn or blackmailing someone for nude images and this clearly breaches the Community Standards or Guidelines of all Social Media Platforms.
To find out how to do this, click on the links below
Threatening to share nudes of you, no matter how, is an offence under the Harmful Digital Communications Act. This means it is against the law.
You can contact Netsafe to get support. They have a trained team who are available by phone or by submitting an online form (or email) that can take steps to deal with the situation in a range of ways.
They can let you know whether what is happening to you breaks the law and support you to contact the police.
Sometimes the person might be someone we know, either well (like an ex) or through a friend or family member.
This can make us reluctant to report what is going on because we don’t want to get them into trouble and might be worried about what people will think. We often worry that people will think ‘we’ve asked for it’ or ‘shouldn’t have been so stupid in the first place’.
It is important to understand that it is not up to you to protect someone that is blackmailing you or threatening to humiliate or hurt you. If they cared about you or were being at all considerate of your feelings, you would not be in this position.
They are the ones that need to carefully think about what they are doing and change their behaviour, not you.
Listen to some of the audio stories below and also check out Dear Em’s awesome article
This also has Samantha’s Story at the end of an article where they go over 13 Reasons Why episode by episode.
If this is happening inside a relationship where this is a sign of other issues happening offline; like control, threats or making you feel small or worthless, talking to someone can be helpful.
While Netsafe can offer support for issues occurring in the online space, issues offline are out of their scope.
The Police or Victim Support have staff that you can speak to about other serious issues inside a relationship but also consider speaking with a friend, mentor, youth worker, counsellor or Health Nurse about other issues to get an impartial opinion and support to think about your relationship.
Netsafe is an organisation that can provide information and support as well as free and confidential advice if someone is threatening to share your nudes.
They can:
Contacting Netsafe
You can make a report through their website https://www.netsafe.org.nz/report/ or you can free phone them seven days a week on 0508 NETSAFE. They’re open between 8am and 8pm on weekdays, and between 9am and 5pm on weekends and public holidays.
You can make the report yourself, or someone can do it on your behalf.
What happens next?
For more detailed information about Netsafe, check out their website www.netsafe.org.nz or our breakdown on the Sticks ‘n Stones website
If someone is causing you ‘serious emotional distress’ by threatening to share nude images or video of you, you can make a complaint to the police.
After finding out what has happened and discussing your options, the police will advise you about making a report.
What would happen next?
The Police can investigate the situation and if there is enough evidence, charge someone with an offence under the Harmful Digital Communications Act (or potentially under another Act)
For DETAILED information about what is involved in making a report to the Police and the steps that follow, check out the Sticks ‘n Stones website.
Nikita talks about chatting to someone over Snapchat and starting to really like him and then what happened when she said no to his request for nudes.
Lara talks about feeling pressured to send nudes to a guy she was seeing and how she was blamed after they were shared. She talks about the impact that had on her mental health and gives her advice for getting through.
Nat talks about getting a dick pic from a friend’s account and not being sure how to react. Later she finds out that his account had been hacked so lets him know what happened.
Shannon talks about when a photo was taken up her skirt at her school without her knowing and then shared.
Eve talks about sending nudes in a long term relationship and how this stayed positive.
Mia talks about chatting with a guy online for a few months and then sending nudes after he had asked and how he wouldn’t talk to her afterwards.
Beth shares about her experience with a guy using his charm to try to get a nude from her friend, and from her.
Bailey talks about sending a nude and then being blackmailed to send more.
Steph talks about being asked to send nudes from her boyfriend and what happened when she said no.
Anna talks about being contacted by a stranger on Snapchat and being offered money to send him nudes.
Kelly talks about getting a ‘dick pic’ randomly, what she did about it and how it made her feel.
Cody talks about what happened to one of his friend’s when the guy she was with videoed them having sex and then shared it in groups online.
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