This can be really overwhelming and can even make you feel like everyone is against you. This is not true. You have people that care about you and definitely don’t agree with what has happened or what has been said.
Someone that takes the time to do this has got some pretty significant issues of their own.
Often, others that join in do it out of boredom or even out of fear of being targeted themselves. This does not make it ok but gives you an insight into what might be motivating them.
There are different steps you can take and the quicker you do these, the less widely things can spread.
Social media sites and Video Hosting sites take Hate Pages or Channels really seriously. They have reporting tools you can use to let them know what is happening.
Check out the icons below for how you can do this on the different platforms.
If the page or channel is causing you to feel hurt or distressed, you can report it to Netsafe.
Taking screenshots can help you to show what is going on. They have a trained and supportive team who can support you to take additional steps if they are needed.
This may be against the law as the Harmful Digital Communications Act has penalties for people that use electronic communications to cause someone else harm or ‘serious emotional distress’.
Check out more about Netsafe in the SERVICES section.
Try not to focus all of your attention on what is being said by going back to check if there is new content, or how many people are liking or commenting.
This will just keep you feeling really low.
Give yourself some space to spend time with people that care about you or doing things you enjoy.
This might mean spending some time offline so that you don’t get stuck in what is happening online.
Take some time to talk to someone about what is going on and how it is making you feel.
Their perspective or experience might help you decide on your next steps.
Even if it doesn’t, opening up to someone means you are not holding onto all of that hurt on your own.
It’s a good idea to log out and take a breath and think things through before making a comment or a post sharing what is happening and having a go at who you think might be behind it.
When our emotions are high, we often say things we might regret, or even just make the situation worse.
We also cannot be sure who might have set up the page or channel and our emotions might have us blaming someone without having any evidence.
If you are sure (and have proof) of who has set up the account or channel, you might (after some time to think) want to send them a private message to let them know how hurtful this is.
Try to stay calm and keep your message brief and to the point so they get a sense of the impact it had and hopefully think twice before doing something like that again.
Keep in mind that sometimes, the person will not care how you are feeling and will keep going if they know it is affecting you.
Harming someone by Targeting or Harassing them online can be against the law
In New Zealand, there is now a law to help tackle the most serious instances of bullying and harassment by people using digital technology.
This is the Harmful Digital Communications Act (HDCA).
It’s now illegal to send messages and post material online that deliberately causes a victim ‘serious emotional distress’.
This could include Hate Pages or Channels.
What does that mean?
It means that as well as reporting the pages or channels to different Social Media Platforms or to Youtube, you also have additional support available to you to help you to get photos, videos and other hurtful content taken down and stop it from being shared again.
This can be through Netsafe, the District Court or the Police and can involve either criminal or civil remedies.
Criminal Remedies
Criminal remedies apply to the most serious cases and could include a fine of up to $50,000 (for an individual) or up to two years in jail.
There are also criminal OR civil remedies under theThe Harmful Digital Communications Act (HDCA) if someone posts nudes or intimate images WITHOUT someone’s permission.
The criminal remedies do not apply to children (aged 0-13), but can be applied to young people aged 14-16 (within the youth justice system) and individuals aged 17+ (who are treated as adults within the formal criminal justice system).
This also means that the police may be involved and that there is a clear process that is followed after you report what is happening. In some cases this will involve a court case.
It is important to remember that for the police to charge somebody with breaking a law, they have to have enough evidence to clearly prove who it was and exactly what happened.
The police also have to weigh up whether what is happening to you, meets all of the requirements of the law.
Sometimes, even though it is not ok and making you really upset, this is not enough to charge someone.
Civil Remedies
Netsafe can support you with some civil remedies including working with both parties to reach a resolution
They can also work with online content hosts (like Social Media platforms) but they cannot punish anyone or force them to do something.
Civil remedies could also involve a court order where a person can be forced to remove or delete content, give an apology or the identity of someone who posted anonymously revealed.
The main one that is being used for someone bullying or harassing you online is the Harmful Digital Communications Act.
Other options or remedies may be available under:
For a more detailed breakdown of the laws around online harm, please check out the Sticks ‘n Stones website.
There are a range of online services or apps that can provide you with support and/or information to help you deal with what is going on.
They can be used as well as support you are getting in person or they can be a great first step to connecting with other support.
MYRIVR is NZ’s largest free in-app directory of community services in the palm of your hand.
MyRivr is designed to provide the following services:
• Give access to a database of services
• Provide details for each service provider including location, opening hours, distance and cost
• Use GPS technology to help you self refer to services nearby or in your region
• Track referrals by user to providers of services
• Updates, feedback and alerts
• 24/7 access to translation services
• 24/7 access to all emergency and refuge services
They say:
Mostly, people in need don’t know what help is available or how to access help, MyRivr seeks to break down the barriers to help by enabling ordinary, everyday New Zealanders through the power of technology.
How it works:
SPARX is a self-help e-therapy tool that teaches young people the key skills needed to help combat depression and anxiety.
SPARX is for young people aged 12-19 who want help with feeling down, depressed, worried or stressed. The information below is from their website.
If you want to know if SPARX is right for you, complete their Mood Quiz.
It was developed with the help of young people and is based on a type of ‘talking therapy’ called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT for short. You can do CBT with a counsellor or a psychologist but you can also learn CBT skills from SPARX. All you need is a computer with access to the internet.
CBT teaches skills about how to cope with negative thoughts and feelings by helping people to think in a more balanced and helpful way and getting them to do things they enjoy or that give them a sense of achievement. There is lots of research to show that CBT helps.
Aunty Dee is a free online tool for anyone who needs some help working through a problem or problems.
The information below is from their website.
It doesn’t matter what the problem is, you can use Aunty Dee to help you work it through.
Quite simply, Aunty Dee will guide you to:
You can use Aunty Dee to work through one problem, or you can ask about many problems and use Aunty Dee over and over again – it’s completely up to you.
And you can use Aunty Dee on your mobile phone, tablet, laptop or personal computer. Because it’s a web-based tool, there are no big apps to download that use up your device’s storage space or your precious data.
How does it work?
Aunty Dee is a systematic approach to decision making that is based on Structured Problem Solving.
Structured Problem Solving is a strategy based on the principles of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and has been shown to reduce depression symptoms in both adults and young people.
It’s important to understand that Aunty Dee doesn’t generate content or provide answers; it guides you to think about and explore your problems in structured way.
In doing so, this will help you move proactively towards solutions to your problems, instead of allowing problems to become overwhelming.
Helplines are there to help if you want to talk (kōrero) with someone about what is going on and how it is making you feel. You can openly and honestly share your feelings without worrying about being judged.
It’s normal to worry about asking for help – but at Youthline we are here to listen and help you figure out what is right for you.
0800 376 633 24/7 support
free text 234 between 8am and midnight
or email talk@youthline.co.nz
Online Chat
Youthline’s online chat service is open between 7pm-11pm
A safe place for you to talk about anything at all.
0800 942 8787 (for 5–18 year olds). Phone counselling is available Monday to Friday, midday–11pm and weekends, 3pm–11pm.
Online chat is available 7pm–10pm daily Click HERE
They do say “Because a lot of young people use online chat, there is often a wait time before a counsellor is available. So if you need to speak to someone straight away, phone What’s Up and speak to a counsellor in person”
At Kidsline we think everyone needs to be heard, and we want to be here to talk things through with you, and listen to what’s happening to you. So give us a call, and talk to one of our Buddies!
0800 54 37 54 (0800 kidsline) for young people up to 18 years of age.
Kidsline is available 24/7 however if you ring between 4pm-9pm Monday – Friday you will speak to a Kidsline Buddy – a specially trained teenage telephone counsellor.
To get the lowdown on Helplines and what happens when you call, whether you are really anonymous and and heaps more info, check out the Sticks ‘n Stones website.
Netsafe is an organisation that can provide information and support as well as free and confidential advice when you are being hurt or bullied online.
They can:
How to contact them
You can make a report through their website https://www.netsafe.org.nz/report/ or you can free phone them seven days a week between 8am and 5pm on 0508 NETSAFE.
What happens when I make a report?
You can make the report yourself, or someone can do it on your behalf.
When you phone them, they will ask you questions so they can understand what’s going on, how long it has been happening, who is involved, what evidence you have and any other information to help them to evaluate your report.
When you make a report online, you will be asked to select from a range of multi choice questions to give information about the situation and the support you (or the person you are making the report for) is receiving, give your contact information and also a ‘short summary’ of what happened.
You will also be asked how concerned you are for your safety.
Whether you make your report by phone or using the online form, you will be given a report number that will create a ‘thread’ of emails to keep all of the communication together.
If you make your report online, you will then receive an email confirming your report has been received and that one of the team will be in touch once they have evaluated it using the contact details you gave in the form.
Bonnie talks about a rumour spread by a jealous ex that she was in a gang bang and how this was accepted as the truth. The hate and abuse that followed made her feel alone and worthless until she had an opportunity for a fresh start.
Tim talks about being bullied and that he should kill himself to deal with his problems and how he got support to get through.
Eve shares her story about feeling bullied online and a threat made about her and what she did to get through the situation.
Kate talks about when a ‘friend’ pretended to be a boy messaging her and how things got worse from there.
Kate talks about a friendship breaking down and then finding out she was being talked about in FB groups she wasn’t part of.
Sonia talks about a hate page that was set up at her school about someone else and how she stepped in to help.
Jen talks about being bullied online and getting a message ‘out of the blue’ to kill herself.
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