Some things to think about

Be prepared to feel a  range of emotions

It is completely normal to feel worried, embarrassed, anxious or scared about talking to your friends or family about what is going on.  Sometimes you might think that it will be easier to keep things to yourself.

This does not make the situation better and isolates you from people that could support you to resolve the situation.

Choosing someone that you trust to confide in means that you can have someone who can be there for you.  They can see things objectively and think about things you can do and support you to take the first steps.


Prepare  your friends and family

You might also think about preparing the people close to you about the possibility of the photos or video being shared where they might see it.

They will probably find it better coming from you than finding out online about what is happening.


Going along with the demands will not make things better

It is really unusual for the person to stop after you have done what they asked or sent more nudes.

Doing this shows that they have power over you and they will usually continue to blackmail you to get whatever they can out of you or even escalate things.

Sometimes, even if you do what they ask, they will still share the photos or video anyway.


Keep a record

Take screenshots of any messages you receive.

These can be used to support you to report the threats as evidence of what has been going on.

This stops it from being ‘your word against theirs’ and can be used if you end up going to the police or appearing in court.


Use the Reporting and Blocking Tools.

Use your screenshots or links to the posts/messages to report what is happening to Social Media.

They all have very clear positions on Revenge Porn or blackmailing someone for nude images and this clearly breaches the Community Standards or Guidelines of all Social Media Platforms.

To find out how to do this, click on the links below

This is against the law- Netsafe can help

Threatening to share nudes of you is an offence under the Harmful Digital Communications Act. This means that it is against the law.

You can contact Netsafe to get support.  They have a trained team who are available by phone or by submitting an online form (or email).   Netsafe can take steps to deal with the situation in a range of ways.

They can let you know whether what is happening to you breaks the law and if appropriate, support you to contact the police.

If it is serious, you can also contact the Police directly.  See the services section at the bottom of the page for how to do this.


Consider talking to someone

Getting support from someone else can really help and stop you from having to deal with this alone.

Even if you are embarrassed or scared, people that care about you won’t judge. They want to help and can help you think about things you hadn’t thought about before you make a decision.

People you could talk to:

  • Talk to a good friend, often they will be able to relate and even if they can’t, good friends don’t judge, they listen and let you work through the best options.  They are also not super close to the situation so can see it objectively which can really help.
  • Think about chatting to someone in your family – your brother or sister , a cousin, an aunty or uncle? Seriously, it can really help.  Maybe even borrow your mates siblings??
  • An adult that can support you, like your School Guidance Counsellor, a Youth Worker, A Health Nurse or a Mentor

If you don’t have anyone in person that you can speak to, think about getting in touch with Youthline or another phone/text or online support service where you can be anonymous.


If there are other issues happening offline-you can get support for these too

If there are other offline issues happening within this relationship, you can also get support for these.

Controlling or threatening behaviour offline can often make you feel powerless and disconnect you from friends or families.

A healthy relationship is not about power or control.

You can speak with a Health Nurse, A Youth One Stop Shop, one of the Police team, a school counsellor , a helpline or even your GP for a referral to a brief intervention counselling service.

Someone with specialist training can support you to look at your options and take steps to move forward (or even away from the relationship).