It is completely normal to feel worried, embarrassed, anxious or scared about talking to your friends or family about what is going on. Sometimes you might think that it will be easier to keep things to yourself.
This does not make the situation better and isolates you from people that could support you to resolve the situation.
Choosing someone that you trust to confide in means that you can have someone who can be there for you. They can see things objectively and think about things you can do and support you to take the first steps.
You might also think about preparing the people close to you about the possibility of the photos or video being shared where they might see it.
They will probably find it better coming from you than finding out online about what is happening.
It is really unusual for the person to stop after you have done what they asked or sent more nudes.
Doing this shows that they have power over you and they will usually continue to blackmail you to get whatever they can out of you or even escalate things.
Sometimes, even if you do what they ask, they will still share the photos or video anyway.
Take screenshots of any messages you receive.
These can be used to support you to report the threats as evidence of what has been going on.
This stops it from being ‘your word against theirs’ and can be used if you end up going to the police or appearing in court.
Use your screenshots or links to the posts/messages to report what is happening to Social Media.
They all have very clear positions on Revenge Porn or blackmailing someone for nude images and this clearly breaches the Community Standards or Guidelines of all Social Media Platforms.
To find out how to do this, click on the links below
Threatening to share nudes of you is an offence under the Harmful Digital Communications Act. This means that it is against the law.
You can contact Netsafe to get support. They have a trained team who are available by phone or by submitting an online form (or email). Netsafe can take steps to deal with the situation in a range of ways.
They can let you know whether what is happening to you breaks the law and if appropriate, support you to contact the police.
If it is serious, you can also contact the Police directly. See the services section at the bottom of the page for how to do this.
Getting support from someone else can really help and stop you from having to deal with this alone.
Even if you are embarrassed or scared, people that care about you won’t judge. They want to help and can help you think about things you hadn’t thought about before you make a decision.
People you could talk to:
If you don’t have anyone in person that you can speak to, think about getting in touch with Youthline or another phone/text or online support service where you can be anonymous.
If there are other offline issues happening within this relationship, you can also get support for these.
Controlling or threatening behaviour offline can often make you feel powerless and disconnect you from friends or families.
A healthy relationship is not about power or control.
You can speak with a Health Nurse, A Youth One Stop Shop, one of the Police team, a school counsellor , a helpline or even your GP for a referral to a brief intervention counselling service.
Someone with specialist training can support you to look at your options and take steps to move forward (or even away from the relationship).
Netsafe is an organisation that can provide information and support as well as free and confidential advice if someone is threatening to share your nudes.
They can:
Contacting Netsafe
You can make a report through their website https://www.netsafe.org.nz/report/ or you can free phone them seven days a week on 0508 NETSAFE. They’re open between 8am and 8pm on weekdays, and between 9am and 5pm on weekends and public holidays.
You can make the report yourself, or someone can do it on your behalf.
What happens next?
For more detailed information about Netsafe, check out their website www.netsafe.org.nz or our breakdown on the Sticks ‘n Stones website
If someone is causing you ‘serious emotional distress’ by threatening to share nude images or video of you, you can make a complaint to the police.
After finding out what has happened and discussing your options, the police will advise you about making a report.
What would happen next?
The Police can investigate the situation and if there is enough evidence, charge someone with an offence under the Harmful Digital Communications Act (or potentially under another Act)
For DETAILED information about what is involved in making a report to the Police and the steps that follow, check out the Sticks ‘n Stones website.
Nikita talks about chatting to someone over Snapchat and starting to really like him and then what happened when she said no to his request for nudes.
Lara talks about feeling pressured to send nudes to a guy she was seeing and how she was blamed after they were shared. She talks about the impact that had on her mental health and gives her advice for getting through.
Nat talks about getting a dick pic from a friend’s account and not being sure how to react. Later she finds out that his account had been hacked so lets him know what happened.
Shannon talks about when a photo was taken up her skirt at her school without her knowing and then shared.
Eve talks about sending nudes in a long term relationship and how this stayed positive.
Mia talks about chatting with a guy online for a few months and then sending nudes after he had asked and how he wouldn’t talk to her afterwards.
Beth shares about her experience with a guy using his charm to try to get a nude from her friend, and from her.
Bailey talks about sending a nude and then being blackmailed to send more.
Steph talks about being asked to send nudes from her boyfriend and what happened when she said no.
Anna talks about being contacted by a stranger on Snapchat and being offered money to send him nudes.
Kelly talks about getting a ‘dick pic’ randomly, what she did about it and how it made her feel.
Cody talks about what happened to one of his friend’s when the guy she was with videoed them having sex and then shared it in groups online.
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