There are heaps of different ways that you can say no.
Be direct: You could say something like:
Delay: You could give yourself some time and space by saying things like:
Ask some questions: You might want to start with a question
It’s not about making them feel bad.
They might be feeling pressured as well, thinking that everyone else is doing it so they should too. They might not have thought about your feelings as much as their own.
If they keep on asking even after you have said no, you might think that telling them that what they are doing is not ok.
You will know when humour will work and when this might backfire.
In some situations using humour does not work. It just makes a situation worse. It is up to you to make the call about whether it is the best approach.
Ideas
There are also some apps that have been specifically designed to do this for you if you want some help to work out what to send back.
Check out Send this Instead
This was designed in Canada and they describe how they created it by saying
“We asked all the funny people we knew, “What would you say if someone asked you to send images you didn’t want to?” We took their answers and made posters and developed this app. The posters are witty, sarcastic and meant to help get the point across – using humour as a strategy”.
You can also check out Zipit
This was designed in the UK by Childline alongside a team of young people.
They describe it like this:
If someone’s trying to get you to send them naked images of yourself, use the fully updated Zipit app to keep the situation under control.
Zipit helps you to respond to unwanted chat with the power of GIFs. We’ve made our own and also chosen a selection of top ones from GIPHY.
Each platform has a range of options you can use, including updating your Privacy settings.
They are all different, pick the platform you’re on from the section below and we’ll show you how.
Not replying is always an option. Just because someone contacts you doesn’t mean you have to respond.
Keep in mind that they might give up and move on OR they might be persistent and then you may need to use another strategy.
Is it against the law to ask for Nudes?
No. In New Zealand, if someone is sharing (or is threatening to share) nude photos or intimate images of you without your permission, there are a number of laws they might be breaking BUT it is not against the law for someone to ask for nudes.
It is the sharing that is the issue.
Is it against the law to send nudes?
No. It is also not against the law to send nudes of yourself to someone who has asked for them BUT if you are under 16 and the person you are sending them to is 16 or over then they could be charged with having indecent images.
Being asked to send nudes can sometimes make you feel really uncomfortable. It can often make you feel embarrassed, ashamed or even violated.
Taking the first step and speaking to someone that you trust about what is going on and how you are feeling can help you to take steps to resolve the situation.
Together you can then get in touch with more support if you need it.
This includes:
Accessing a range of support to help you with different parts of what is causing you to feel worried, upset or distressed can be a really great way to get through (rather than choosing one and hoping they can do everything).
It could be worthwhile looking into some of the options below as well.
Helplines are there to help if you want to talk (kōrero) with someone about what is going on and how it is making you feel.
You can also call if you know someone who may need help.
It’s completely okay to call or message a helpline – no problem is too big or small. You don’t have to ‘prove’ you deserve help.
They say:
It’s normal to worry about asking for help – but at Youthline we are here to listen and help you figure out what is right for you.
0800 376 633 24/7 support
free text 234 between 8am and midnight
or email talk@youthline.co.nz
Online Chat
Youthline’s online chat service is open between 7pm-11pm
A safe place for you to talk about anything at all
0800 942 8787 (for 5–18 year olds). Phone counselling is available Monday to Friday, midday–11pm and weekends, 3pm–11pm.
Online chat is available 7pm–10pm daily Click HERE
They do say “Because a lot of young people use online chat, there is often a wait time before a counsellor is available. So if you need to speak to someone straight away, phone What’s Up and speak to a counsellor in person”
They say:
At Kidsline we think everyone needs to be heard, and we want to be here to talk things through with you, and listen to what’s happening to you. So give us a call, and talk to one of our Buddies!
0800 54 37 54 (0800 kidsline) for young people up to 18 years of age.
Kidsline is available 24/7 however if you ring between 4pm-9pm Monday – Friday you will speak to a Kidsline Buddy – a specially trained teenage telephone counsellor.
To get the lowdown on Helplines and what happens when you call, whether you are really anonymous and and heaps more info, check out the Sticks ‘n Stones website.
Aunty Dee is a free online tool for anyone who needs some help working through a problem or problems.
The information below is from their website.
It doesn’t matter what the problem is, you can use Aunty Dee to help you work it through.
You can use Aunty Dee to work through one problem, or you can ask about many problems and use Aunty Dee over and over again – it’s completely up to you.
To get the lowdown on Online Tools and what is available, check out the Sticks ‘n Stones website.
Nikita talks about chatting to someone over Snapchat and starting to really like him and then what happened when she said no to his request for nudes.
Lara talks about feeling pressured to send nudes to a guy she was seeing and how she was blamed after they were shared. She talks about the impact that had on her mental health and gives her advice for getting through.
Nat talks about getting a dick pic from a friend’s account and not being sure how to react. Later she finds out that his account had been hacked so lets him know what happened.
Shannon talks about when a photo was taken up her skirt at her school without her knowing and then shared.
Eve talks about sending nudes in a long term relationship and how this stayed positive.
Mia talks about chatting with a guy online for a few months and then sending nudes after he had asked and how he wouldn’t talk to her afterwards.
Beth shares about her experience with a guy using his charm to try to get a nude from her friend, and from her.
Bailey talks about sending a nude and then being blackmailed to send more.
Steph talks about being asked to send nudes from her boyfriend and what happened when she said no.
Anna talks about being contacted by a stranger on Snapchat and being offered money to send him nudes.
Kelly talks about getting a ‘dick pic’ randomly, what she did about it and how it made her feel.
Cody talks about what happened to one of his friend’s when the guy she was with videoed them having sex and then shared it in groups online.
Created by:
Proudly supported by:
