What are some things I can do?


Choose someone in the group to talk to and let them know how you are feeling

If you don’t feel comfortable having a conversation with the ‘comment-writer’ themselves, just having a chat with someone in the group that you feel comfortable with could help.

They could provide some sort of mediation between you and the ‘comment-writer’, or they could even provide some context around the comments that make them seem much less hurtful.

If there’s no one in the group that you would like to talk to or that you think would care about how you are feeling, then think about whether you want to let them get to you?


Talk it through with someone outside the group

Finding out that people have been talking about you behind your back can be hurtful.

One thing you can do, especially as the rest of the group may not be aware that you have seen the comments, is talk to someone you trust from outside of the group.

This can help to clear your head, and give you the confidence to confront the problem or decide on next steps.

You can also weigh up the likely outcomes of different actions and then make an informed choice. Sometimes, the best option might be to understand that people can be nasty, move on and spend time with people that will not talk about you behind your back.

If you don’t feel like you can let it go, decide on who would be the best person to speak to.  Take some time to calm down and be clear about what you want to say and why you want to have the conversation.


Talk to the person who showed you the screenshots

Do you want to be shown screenshots like this?  Does it help?

Maybe have a think about saying you would rather not know?  Do these comments really matter?

Sometimes we think ‘It’s better to know what people are saying about us’ but is it really?  Have you felt better since the person showed you the screenshots?


Because you aren’t in the group itself, getting the comment removed can be tricky

However, if you have talked to someone in the group, and they get how much it has affected you, then they may able to do this for you or even delete it themselves.

Some groups allow members to report posts or comments to admin (but then this very much depends on who the admin is).

On Facebook, you can also report the group itself.  Check out the icons below for how to do this.


Look after you

Remember that comments made online can often be made by keyboard warriors, who would never have said those things if they knew you would see them.

If the comments are making you feel down, then be sure to look after your mental health.

There are so many options, from just having a movie night with your mates, to having some time outside, physical exercise, yoga or meditation or reaching out to a helpline or counsellor.


Get in touch with Netsafe

If you need help, advice or support with any kind of online issue, Netsafe can help.

They are a non-profit organisation with a helpline set up to help people with online safety and online issues.

Netsafe have years of experience in helping young people deal with harm online, their service is free and confidential.

Find out more by visiting their website or checking out the services section.