Finding out that people have been talking about you behind your back or making fun of you online can be hurtful.
One thing you can do, especially as the rest of the group may not be aware that you have been told about the comments, is talk to someone you trust.
This can help to clear your head, and give you the confidence to deal with the problem or decide on next steps.
It can be tempting to retaliate or to start a chat of your own to vent but that does not usually end well. You know how it feels.
Talking it through can also give you the chance to honestly decide whether there is any real point in letting them know how you feel.
This could also be a case of someone trying to stir up some drama so you might want to think about who has told you and what their motivation is.
Do you want to be told stuff like this? Does it help? Maybe have a think about saying you would rather not know? Do these comments really matter?
Has it been changed up or even exaggerated?
Sometimes we think ‘It’s better to know what people are saying about us’ but is it really? Have you felt better since the person told you?
You might even want to ask them , “Why did you tell me about this?” or “What did you say when you saw the comments?”, what did they want to get out of telling you?
You have the choice to ignore if people are talking about you.
It can be easy to get caught up in the negativity of it but, if they did not care enough to speak to you in person, then is it really up to you to deal with their problem?
If it was people that you thought were friends and you could trust, it might be good to give yourself some space.
If what they say to your face is really different to what is happening online, then putting in some limits about what you tell them and how much time you spend with them can stop this from becoming an ongoing issue.
If you don’t feel comfortable having that conversation with the person or people that made the comment(s) themselves, just having a chat with someone in the group that you feel comfortable with can begin to resolve the situation.
They could provide some sort of mediation, or they could even provide some context around the comments that make them seem less hurtful.
If there’s no one in the group that you would like to talk to or that you think would care about how you are feeling, then think about whether you want to let them get to you?
However, if you have talked to someone in the group, and they get how much it has affected you, then they may able to do this for you or simply delete it.
Some groups allow members to report posts or comments to admin (but then this very much depends on who the admin is).
On Facebook, you can also report the group itself.
Check out the icons below for how to do this.
Remember that comments made online can often be made by keyboard warriors, who would never have said those things if they knew you would see them.
If the comments are making you feel down, then be sure to look after your mental health.
There are so many options, from just hanging out with your mates, to contacting one of the many organisations that can give you specialist support.
Bonnie talks about a rumour spread by a jealous ex that she was in a gang bang and how this was accepted as the truth. The hate and abuse that followed made her feel alone and worthless until she had an opportunity for a fresh start.
Tim talks about being bullied and that he should kill himself to deal with his problems and how he got support to get through.
Eve shares her story about feeling bullied online and a threat made about her and what she did to get through the situation.
Kate talks about when a ‘friend’ pretended to be a boy messaging her and how things got worse from there.
Kate talks about a friendship breaking down and then finding out she was being talked about in FB groups she wasn’t part of.
Sonia talks about a hate page that was set up at her school about someone else and how she stepped in to help.
Jen talks about being bullied online and getting a message ‘out of the blue’ to kill herself.
Created by:
Proudly supported by:
