If you don’t feel comfortable having a conversation with the ‘comment-writer’ themselves, just having a chat with someone in the group that you feel comfortable with could help.
They could provide some sort of mediation between you and the ‘comment-writer’, or they could even provide some context around the comments that make them seem much less hurtful. If there’s no one in the group that you would like to talk to or that you think would care about how you are feeling, then think about whether you want to let them get to you?
Finding out that people have been talking about you behind your back can be hurtful.
One thing you can do, especially as the rest of the group may not be aware that you have seen the comments, is talk to someone you trust from outside of the group.
This can help to clear your head, and give you the confidence to confront the problem or decide on next steps.
You can also weigh up the likely outcomes of different actions and then make an informed choice. Sometimes, the best option might be to understand that people can be nasty, move on and spend time with people that will not talk about you behind your back.
If you don’t feel like you can let it go, decide on who would be the best person to speak to. Take some time to calm down and be clear about what you want to say and why you want to have the conversation.
Do you want to be shown screenshots like this? Does it help?
Maybe have a think about saying you would rather not know? Do these comments really matter?
Sometimes we think ‘It’s better to know what people are saying about us’ but is it really? Have you felt better since the person showed you the screenshots?
However, if you have talked to someone in the group, and they get how much it has affected you, then they may able to do this for you or even delete it themselves.
Some groups allow members to report posts or comments to admin (but then this very much depends on who the admin is). On Facebook, you can also report the group itself. Check out the icons below for how to do this. Remember that comments made online can often be made by keyboard warriors, who would never have said those things if they knew you would see them. If the comments are making you feel down, then be sure to look after your mental health. There are so many options, from just having a movie night with your mates, to having some time outside, physical exercise, yoga or meditation or reaching out to a helpline or counsellor.
Look after you
If you need help, advice or support with any kind of online issue, Netsafe can help.
They are a non-profit organisation with a helpline set up to help people with online safety and online issues.
Netsafe have years of experience in helping young people deal with harm online, their service is free and confidential.
Find out more by visiting their website or checking out the services section.
Bonnie talks about a rumour spread by a jealous ex that she was in a gang bang and how this was accepted as the truth. The hate and abuse that followed made her feel alone and worthless until she had an opportunity for a fresh start.
Tim talks about being bullied and that he should kill himself to deal with his problems and how he got support to get through.
Eve shares her story about feeling bullied online and a threat made about her and what she did to get through the situation.
Kate talks about when a ‘friend’ pretended to be a boy messaging her and how things got worse from there.
Kate talks about a friendship breaking down and then finding out she was being talked about in FB groups she wasn’t part of.
Sonia talks about a hate page that was set up at her school about someone else and how she stepped in to help.
Jen talks about being bullied online and getting a message ‘out of the blue’ to kill herself.
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