What are my options?

Understand that you are not alone

As much as it seems like you’re all alone, you’re not.  There are people out there who care about you and want to help you.

There are many reasons why someone might be targeting you in an online group that you aren’t a member of, but whether it’s to make themselves look cool or to deal with their own problems by putting others down it’s not fair.

You don’t have to sit by and let it happen, here are some strategies and things to think about to help deal with what you’re going through.


Think about who had the information in the first place

Who had you shared your secret or private information with?

Knowing this gives you the chance to think about who might have broken your trust and for you to re-think who you share things with in the future.

It also gives you the option to approach them to let them know that doing this is not ok and that they have broken your trust.


Consider the intentions of the person that told you

Did the person who told you what is going on have your best interests at heart or were they simply enjoying the drama?  What was their motivation?

It could be worth being really direct and asking them, “Why are you telling me this?”

If they are genuinely trying to help you, they are in a better position than you to find out exactly what was said and who said it.  They can even delete the comment or report it to an admin (if that would help).


Use the reporting tools

If this is causing you real distress, you can report the group itself.

For it to be removed, it needs to clearly breach the platform’s community standards.

Check out the icons below for more information about how to do this.

Ignore it

If this is gossip or something fairly insignificant, ignoring it could be a good option.

A lot of the time, people want a reaction and that is why they shared the information.  They want you to be upset or angry. Not responding or giving the impression that it doesn’t really worry you can often stop it from escalating and makes people lose interest pretty fast.

This obviously depends on what has been shared.  If it is sensitive or really personal, ignoring it might not be the best option.


Talk to someone

Rather than letting it fester and dominate your thoughts, talk to someone that can give you their perspective or maybe even their own experience or some advice.

If you do not have someone in your life that you think would understand, there are anonymous helplines that you can phone or contact via text or messaging services.

You could also connect with a counsellor to get support if this is having an impact on your day to day life.