Some things to think about before you do

There are no completely safe ways of sending nudes.

When you are in the ‘heat of the moment’ and are asked to send a nude, no matter if it is someone you are very close with or if it’s a complete stranger, it’s never completely private.

Once a picture has been sent there is no getting it back, and you can’t control where it ends up or who it is sent to.

Video Chat or calls can also be screenshot or recorded so if you were thinking that a ‘live’ option might be safer, it’s not really.

Even platforms like Snapchat or other ‘disappearing media’ apps or platforms have third party apps that can take a screenshot without you being notified. Someone could even take a photo with another phone.  It never really ‘disappears’.

Although nudes can be shared online, it’s important to know that it can be against the law to share these images with someone else.


Remember that you do not have to send nudes just because you are asked

Sometimes we might think that because it’s online, it is safer, or that it is just a laugh and a bit of fun.  Safer than actually having sex….right?

Photos online can be copied, shared and re shared anywhere that you might not even know about.

People online are not always who they say they are are.  They can sometimes be seriously dodgy.

Imagine what you would do if the same person asked you face to face.  What would your reaction and response be then?


Once you send a photo, you don’t have any control over what happens next.

We are not here to make decisions for you. Take a moment, think carefully, weigh up why you want to take and send a nude and then make a decision.  There is no need to rush into anything.

If you are considering sending a photo to someone, it’s good to ask yourself:

  • How well do I know them? Are they a stranger?  Am I sure they ARE who they say they are?  Do they really care about me? Are they respectful and get me and what matters to me?
  • What are they saying to me?  If they are already saying things like “If you loved me you would”, or “What’s the big deal? Everyone is doing it” or “Why are you being so weird about it?” think about your feelings and what is important to you.  Your feelings are just as important.
  • How will they react if I say no?  If they really care about you this should not be a HUGE issue.  If you are worried that things might get weird or ugly if you do say no, it might be worth chatting to someone else for their take on things.
  • How long have we been together? Is a few weeks enough for you to trust them? How intimate is your relationship already? Relationships can change pretty quickly and the ‘honeymoon period’ of those early days can often fade.
  • Who else sees their phone?  Their camera roll? Even if your boyfriend/girlfriend cares about you and is keeping the photo private, one of their mates might grab the phone to use it and come across the photo and think it would be really funny to share it.
  • What is the benefit for me if I send a nude? Will you get something out of it or is it just for the thrill for the other person?
  • Could you do this in person?  Or would you? If you are already intimate, could you show your ‘nude’ in person?  If this makes you uncomfortable, a photo should too.

We know that there are relationships where nudes get sent and they are kept private and nothing bad happens. We would love to think that this was always the case…but sadly we know that it is not.


What if you break up?

Emotions can get pretty high during (and after) a break up. Feeling hurt can make some people to do things they otherwise wouldn’t. This is a common time that photos can be shared.

There have been too many stories of people who have sent photos when things are great, that later end up all over tumblr or porn websites when a relationship ends (or sometimes even before it ends…)

Will they still protect you and keep the images private even if they are feeling jealous, angry or if you start a new relationship?

What about if you have a Nude of an ex??

Even if your ex did something really crappy, don’t let anger or revenge make decisions for you that you might regret.  Take a moment to think it through.

Sharing a nude of someone else, whatever the reason, could still be reported and then you would be the one in the wrong.

Do you want a visual reminder of your ex?  Delete the photo(s) and keep it in the past.


Get some more information

Listen to some of the audio stories below and also check out Dear Em’s awesome article

This also has Samantha’s Story at the end of an article where they go over 13 Reasons Why episode by episode.

Netsafe has some awesome information on their website that is definitely worth checking out

Consider talking to someone

Getting someone else’s perspective can really help.

Even if you are embarrassed or scared, people that care about you won’t judge. They want to help and can help you think about things you hadn’t thought about before you make a decision.

A strategy that can help you feel safer is to ask for advice for a friend.

You know like  “I have this friend that ….”.

People you could talk to:

  • Talk to a good friend, often they will be able to relate and even if they can’t, good friends don’t judge, they listen and let you work through the best options.  They are also not super close to the situation so can see it objectively which can really help.
  • A friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend that you trust could also be someone that could think objectively about it.
  • Think about chatting to someone in your family – your brother or sister , a cousin, an aunty or uncle? Seriously, it can really help.  Maybe even borrow your mates siblings??

If you don’t have anyone in person that you can speak to, think about getting in touch with Youthline or another phone/text or online support service where you can be anonymous.


If you do decide to send them make yourself unidentifiable.

If you have taken the time to really think about all the potential risks and still feel like you want to send a photo, confident in the person you are sending them to, then make sure you aren’t identifiable:

  • Keep your face out of it. Your face is not really the drawcard when it comes to a nude so ‘future proof’ yourself so that other people will not know that it is actually you.   It’s a lot easier to say “Nah, that’s not me” if your face, a specific birthmark or tattoo do not tell another story.
  • Think about what is in the background of the shot. Photos, pictures or a door sign that says ‘Anna’s Room’ can also link an image directly back to you.

A few more things to think about

For your eyes only

If you have asked for a nude image or have happily received one from someone, it is meant for YOU.

Even if you think they are really hot or look great in the photo; they sent it to YOU not to you AND your friends.  Be considerate and keep it private.

Even showing someone the photo from your phone is a breach of trust.  How would you feel if a photo you had sent privately was being shown to other people?


How long do you need to keep the photo?

Has the person sent it to you just to look at for a moment?  To keep for a couple of hours?  A day or two or forever?

Ask them and check out how they feel about it.  How much time do they expect the photo to be kept for?