Some things to think about

Being in a relationship does not equal FREE nudes

Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to send nudes.

If you don’t feel totally comfortable with the idea, talk to them about it.  Let them know that it is not something you are cool with and that this does not mean you don’t care about them.

There are LOADS of other ways of showing your love and making them feel appreciated.

Relationships are about love, care and respect not about pressure, control or power. Someone that cares about you will listen when you say no and respect your decision.

Some other ideas:

  • Weigh it up. Take some time to think about the positives and negatives of sending a nude.  What advice would you give to a friend?
  • In the flesh… If you are already having sex with the person asking for a photo, maybe show them in person 😉 ?? They can replay it in their head anytime they like.
  • It’s about being ready. Just like we would not want you feeling pressured to have sex if you are not ready, if you don’t want to send a nude, that is totally ok.


Do you really want to send nudes to someone who makes you feel pressured?

In any kind of relationship, your feelings matter. If they keep asking for nudes, even after you have said you don’t want to share them, they are not making you a priority.

Sometimes we feel like it will just be easier if we send a photo and then the person will be satisfied and leave you alone. That doesn’t usually happen. Most of the time they will just ask for more.  It can get even nastier if you decide not to send more.

Often the person pressuring you is also pressuring other people, hoping that someone will strip off and send them a pic.

You don’t have to.

We don’t make great decisions when we are feeling pressured or emotional (or if you have had a few drinks).  Take time to get in a good head space before you make a choice.


Consider talking to someone

Getting someone else’s perspective can really help.

Even if you are embarrassed or scared, people that care about you won’t judge. They want to help and can help you think about things you hadn’t thought about before you make a decision.

A strategy that can help you feel safer is to ask for advice for a friend.

You know like  “I have this friend that ….”.

People you could talk to:

  • Talk to a good friend, often they will be able to relate and even if they can’t, good friends don’t judge, they listen and let you work through the best options.  They are also not super close to the situation so can see it objectively which can really help.
  • A friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend that you trust could also be someone that could think objectively about it.
  • Think about chatting to someone in your family – your brother or sister , a cousin, an aunty or uncle? Seriously, it can really help.  Maybe even borrow your mates siblings??

If you don’t have anyone in person that you can speak to, think about getting in touch with Youthline or another phone/text or online support service where you can be anonymous.


Get some more information

Listen to some of the audio stories below and also check out Dear Em’s awesome article

This also has Samantha’s Story at the end of an article where they go over 13 Reasons Why episode by episode.

Netsafe has some awesome information on their website that is definitely worth checking out

If it’s someone in a position of power or an adult you can report them.

If it’s someone like your boss, family friend or teacher then they have responsibilities to not use their position to ask you to do anything that makes you feel vulnerable, uncomfortable or unsafe.

It is against the law for an adult to have nude photos of anyone underage and they should not be asking for them in the first place.

It is also a really serious matter that someone else really needs to know about, not only to keep you safe but also anyone else that they might put pressure on.

This could be a parent, Netsafe, the Police, a Principal, or senior supervisor, someone that can give you support and stop the situation from escalating.