This is not the truth and you have people in your life that love and care for you. Think about what they would say, they would not agree with what has been said.
Take some time to talk to them about what is going on so they can look out for you.
The problem is with the person that thinks it is ok to say things like this, not with you.
Encouraging someone to commit suicide or kill themselves is illegal (even if the person does not try to hurt themselves).
It is really serious.
This means that you can make a complaint directly to the police.
Netsafe can also support you and give advice about whether making a complaint to the Police is an option for you.
They have a trained team available to answer any questions you might have and give you information and advice. Find out more about them in the SERVICES section below.
Keeping a record of the messages will help you to make a report to Netsafe, the Police or to the platform directly and to clearly show what has been said without any confusion.
Replying to the messages usually makes things worse. The person will often send more messages that can get more abusive or full on.
If you have taken some time to think things over and spoken to someone you trust about what is going on and have decided to respond, be brief and simply let them know the messages are not ok.
You can also let them know that you will be reporting the comments.
You do not have to accept these kinds of messages and all Social Media platforms take them really seriously and have tools available for you to use.
After making your report, block the sender and then check your PRIVACY SETTINGS to make sure that you can take charge of who can (and can’t) message you.
Check out the icons below to see the steps for making reports and blocking.
It might be a good idea to take a break from Social Media for a bit and spend some time doing other things you really enjoy with people who care about you.
Messages like this can often make you feel really down and it is important to remember that they are not the truth. No one has the right to make you feel worthless.
Some time away from the situation can give you the chance to have some space and think about what steps you want to take to get support and resolve the situation.
Take some time to chat to someone that you trust about what has been going on and how it has been making you feel.
Make sure you ask if they have time to talk so that you are not interrupted or they are not in a rush (or in a bad head space themselves).
They might have experienced something similar that they can tell you about. Talking it through (even if you do this via text or messaging) can help you to decide what to do next.
Encouraging someone to commit suicide is against the law
It is now illegal, regardless of whether or not the victim attempts to take their own life to encourage someone to commit suicide.
If convicted, a person can be sentenced to up to 3 years in prison.
This applies to anyone aged 14 or over.
The Ministry of Justice states this change “Recognises the distress victims can suffer and sends a message that the potential consequences of this kind of harassment are too serious to ignore”.
What does that mean?
It means that as well as reporting to different Social Media Platforms, if you are being told that ‘You don’t deserve to live’ or ‘Everyone would be better off without you here’ or comments that either encourage or harass you about taking your own life, you have additional support available to you.
This means that you can report this to the police and that there is a clear process that is followed after you report what is happening. In some cases this will involve a court case.
Sometimes, even though it is not ok and making you really upset, this is not enough to charge someone.
Who do I report this to if this is happening to me?
This new legislation is part of the Crimes Act, and so you should report this to the NZ Police.
If you think you or someone else’s life is in immediate danger, you should call 111.
If you are unsure of whether this Act might apply to you or someone you know, you can contact NetSafe for advice.
Because it is illegal to encourage someone to take their own life, this means that you can report to the police and that there is a clear process that is followed after you report what is happening.
Thing to keep in mind
In some cases this will involve a court case.
It is important to remember that for the police to charge somebody with breaking a law, they have to have enough evidence to clearly prove who it was and exactly what happened.
The police also have to weigh up whether what is happening to you, meets all of the requirements of the law.
Sometimes, even though it is not ok and making you really upset, this is not enough to charge someone.
For DETAILED information about what is involved in making a report to the Police and the steps that follow, check out the Sticks ‘n Stones website.
Helplines are there to help if you want to talk (kōrero) with someone about what is going on and how it is making you feel.
You can openly and honestly share your feelings without worrying about being judged.
It’s normal to worry about asking for help – but at Youthline we are here to listen and help you figure out what is right for you.
0800 376 633 24/7 support
free text 234 between 8am and midnight
or email talk@youthline.co.nz
Online Chat
Youthline’s online chat service is open between 7pm-11pm
A safe place for you to talk about anything at all.
0800 942 8787 (for 5–18 year olds). Phone counselling is available Monday to Friday, midday–11pm and weekends, 3pm–11pm.
Online chat is available 7pm–10pm daily Click HERE
They do say “Because a lot of young people use online chat, there is often a wait time before a counsellor is available. So if you need to speak to someone straight away, phone What’s Up and speak to a counsellor in person”
At Kidsline we think everyone needs to be heard, and we want to be here to talk things through with you, and listen to what’s happening to you. So give us a call, and talk to one of our Buddies!
0800 54 37 54 (0800 kidsline) for young people up to 18 years of age.
Kidsline is available 24/7 however if you ring between 4pm-9pm Monday – Friday you will speak to a Kidsline Buddy – a specially trained teenage telephone counsellor.
To get the lowdown on Helplines and what happens when you call, whether you are really anonymous and and heaps more info, check out the Sticks ‘n Stones website.
If you want to talk to someone about what support services are available in your area, a Health Nurse/School Nurse is a Free option that could help.
This could be if you’ve noticed changes in the way you are thinking or feeling over the past few weeks or months that are worrying you and are causing you distress.
It could also be if there are things happening offline within your relationships that are also having a negative impact.
How can a Health Nurse help?
A Health Nurse can give you support and information about other services that might be able to help you and can even make referrals for you in many cases.
They can be a great option if you are not comfortable talking to your Doctor/GP or contacting Mental Health services straight away.
For more detailed information about Health Nurses/School Nurses and their services, check out the Sticks ‘n Stones website.
If what is happening online is having an impact on how you are feeling offline, a visit to your family doctor or general practitioner (GP) can be the first step in getting help.
Some of the most common symptoms of poor mental wellbeing include: It’s possible that you may not have noticed the signs, as symptoms can build gradually over time. How can a Doctor or GP help? Your doctor can assess your symptoms and talk with you about what might be the best way for you to get treatment. That might mean going to a counsellor, referring you to someone else who has specialist knowledge or taking medication. In some cases, your doctor can also help you work out a self-help programme and keep an eye on your progress along the way.
There are a range of online services or apps that can provide you with support and/or information to help you deal with what is going on.
They can be used as well as support you are getting in person or they can be a great first step to connecting with other support.
MYRIVR is NZ’s largest free in-app directory of community services in the palm of your hand.
MyRivr is designed to provide the following services:
• Give access to a database of services
• Provide details for each service provider including location, opening hours, distance and cost
• Use GPS technology to help you self refer to services nearby or in your region
• Track referrals by user to providers of services
• Updates, feedback and alerts
• 24/7 access to translation services
• 24/7 access to all emergency and refuge services
They say:
Mostly, people in need don’t know what help is available or how to access help, MyRivr seeks to break down the barriers to help by enabling ordinary, everyday New Zealanders through the power of technology.
How it works:
SPARX is a self-help e-therapy tool that teaches young people the key skills needed to help combat depression and anxiety.
Who is SPARX for?
SPARX is for young people aged 12-19 who want help with feeling down, depressed, worried or stressed. The information below is from their website.
If you want to know if SPARX is right for you, complete their Mood Quiz.
It was developed with the help of young people and is based on a type of ‘talking therapy’ called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT for short. You can do CBT with a counsellor or a psychologist but you can also learn CBT skills from SPARX. All you need is a computer with access to the internet.
CBT teaches skills about how to cope with negative thoughts and feelings by helping people to think in a more balanced and helpful way and getting them to do things they enjoy or that give them a sense of achievement. There is lots of research to show that CBT helps.
Aunty Dee is a free online tool for anyone who needs some help working through a problem or problems.
The information below is from their website.
It doesn’t matter what the problem is, you can use Aunty Dee to help you work it through.
Quite simply, Aunty Dee will guide you to:
You can use Aunty Dee to work through one problem, or you can ask about many problems and use Aunty Dee over and over again – it’s completely up to you.
And you can use Aunty Dee on your mobile phone, tablet, laptop or personal computer. Because it’s a web-based tool, there are no big apps to download that use up your device’s storage space or your precious data.
How does it work?
Aunty Dee is a systematic approach to decision making that is based on Structured Problem Solving.
Structured Problem Solving is a strategy based on the principles of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and has been shown to reduce depression symptoms in both adults and young people.
It’s important to understand that Aunty Dee doesn’t generate content or provide answers; it guides you to think about and explore your problems in structured way.
In doing so, this will help you move proactively towards solutions to your problems, instead of allowing problems to become overwhelming.
Bonnie talks about a rumour spread by a jealous ex that she was in a gang bang and how this was accepted as the truth. The hate and abuse that followed made her feel alone and worthless until she had an opportunity for a fresh start.
Tim talks about being bullied and that he should kill himself to deal with his problems and how he got support to get through.
Eve shares her story about feeling bullied online and a threat made about her and what she did to get through the situation.
Kate talks about when a ‘friend’ pretended to be a boy messaging her and how things got worse from there.
Kate talks about a friendship breaking down and then finding out she was being talked about in FB groups she wasn’t part of.
Sonia talks about a hate page that was set up at her school about someone else and how she stepped in to help.
Jen talks about being bullied online and getting a message ‘out of the blue’ to kill herself.
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